i think our lives have just begun.

people test themselves on a daily basis, but majority not enough. we live in a state that we find most comfortable for our being, without a desire to seek greater heights, to test our limits to go beyond. we remain content. we play it safe.
i run, though i don't believe i have quite earned my title as a runner yet. today though, i came that much closer to it. i run often, a good pace at a decent length, but today was different.
the previous day, my boyfriend, a true, true runner, told me of his experiences in depth, the work that he put into being the person whom he is, the battle that he fought against himself and the odds against him on a daily basis. the thousands of miles that had allowed him to achieve that of which he deserved. all his accomplishments having been gained from experiences that no one could comprehend, that people never gave the much deserved respect, because they didn't know. they didn't know the sweat, pain, and passion put into those distances and lengths, those times and tenacity. they have no idea of the limits he pursued and overcame, they have no idea of who he really is, what fueled him.
what fueled him was the journey, not the destination, to challenge the world and the nonbelievers. he is truly an inspiration.
to gain true understanding of such greatness and pain endured, one must learn first hand. so to implement such, today i was out to get something more than the typical sweat, the regular heartbeat increase. i wanted to achieve what i was not sure i could achieve. i wanted to face that sense of not knowing if i could reach the end, i didn't want to play it safe. from the moment i woke up this morning, i had this very intention, to push myself to a point that was not sensible to the human mind. as i approached the moment i was to begin, i could feel the adrenaline rush through every aspect of my body.
i took off. no regards to my surroundings or the lack of sense in the matter. just me and the ground beneath my feet. i was determined to not find my breaking point, but to find the point where every part of me told me to break, the point where i would refuse to give in. no matter the pain, the severity of my inability to breathe, the weakness in my limbs, i persevered on. i would not allow myself that sense of defeat. it was not the distance or speed that was in control, i was, those three miles were not meant to be overcome by anyone, but i did it. all odds told me to fall, to collapse, right there and then, but i didn't. i did it.
reaching the street pole that marked my completion, all my weight pressed against it. Brimmed with pain, light-headed, nausea, there was a sense of accomplishment.

this was not just finding my limits, this was finding myself. rather than hearing the words repeated from so many mouths, the identical terms of encouragement that no longer maintain their purpose. this was incomprehensible. i proved to myself that it's not impossible, nothing's impossible.
to sit on the sidewalk and watch the world go by, coming to terms with wishes and wants, its all a waste. basking in that of which we could have faced, should have faced, it gets us nowhere. remaining content with the simplistic pieces we are handed, that is nothing. but to look to pursue what you deemed improbable and following through, that is real, that is greatness, that is achievement.

currently listening to: falling away with you- muse

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